Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Man refuses to forgive friend of sixty-two years

BRISBANE, Australia

Sixty-seven year old Jonathan Duncan has had a falling out with his lifelong friend, sixty-eight year old William Jones, after the latter forgot to attend a rugby game.

"It wasn't a big deal, you know, but I just can't forgive him." Jonathan told reporters on Monday, the day after the incident occurred. "I had a spare ticket for the game and Will said he'd come along, but he completely forgot about it. Normally I'd just shrug it off, but this time I can't forgive him."

When asked why, Jonathan responded, "It's Biblical."

Apparently, the rugby game slip-up was William's four-hundred and ninety-first offense against Jonathan over the course of their sixty-two year friendship.

"I still remember the first one. William stole my bubble-gum. He later apologised - he always apologises, he's great like that. And of course, I forgave him. I had to, Jesus says we have to."

But with William, that law no longer applies. "Jesus said that we weren't to forgive seven times, but seventy times seven. That makes four-hundred and ninety times. I never thought Will would hit that point, but I suppose after sixty-two years, you end up forgiving a lot. We're practically like brothers as a result. Or, at least, we were until this last one."

William doesn't understand Jonathan's logic. "I always thought Jesus was talking figuratively. I haven't been keeping track of how many times I've forgiven Jonny, it's gotta be a few hundred too. Now that he hasn't forgiven me for missing the rugby game, we haven't really spoken since."

When asked about the possibility of restitution, Jonathan was sullen. "I'd love to make up with him, it really wasn't all that big a deal, it was a bad game anyway. But if I were to forgive him, it would be blatantly disobeying a direct command of Jesus, and I have to love my God more than I love my friends, you know? I've done what Jesus asked me to with William."

So what next for Jonathan? "Well, I'm looking for a new friend now. Gordon down the road I've known the last five years, and I've only forgiven him thirty-seven times. I figure he should last me out 'til I cark it."

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