Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Best Facebook status thread EVER

So Chris Goldring updated his status on Facebook with quite a humourous statement. I, being a master of the pun (if I do say so myself), decided to reply with an equally humourous statement. This in turn led Chris to reply with another zinger. Then Kanadian Kathy replied with a scorcher of her own. Not wanting to be outdone, Ivan felt he should join in the conversation. The thread snowballed, and by the end of the afternoon, we ended up with the masterpiece that you now have the opportunity to read. Be warned though, you may well die of laughter and/or collapse in amazement at some of our wits.

Chris is a small equine this morning. 10:59 - Comment - Like

Nick Coller at 11:09 on 24 February
Having a bit of a rough trot are you?

Chris Goldring at 11:14 on 24 February
I've been doing too much recently, I need to rein myself in.

Kathy Ross at 11:37 on 24 February
No you don't Chris, don't be such a nay-sayer.

Ivan Baker at 11:45 on 24 February
Stop horsing about. In-steed do some work.

Kathy Ross at 11:48 on 24 February
Hay, speak for yourself.

Nick Coller at 11:50 on 24 February
Yeah Ivan, try a bit of encouragement. Less stick, more carrot, as they say.

Chris Goldring at 11:53 on 24 February
Some of these puns are foal, stop stirrup-ing up trouble.

Nick Coller at 11:54 on 24 February
Like you've got such a good track record of good puns...

Kathy Ross at 11:59 on 24 February
This is all starting to filly a bit negative guys, let's not get cantered away.

Michael Allen at 12:02 on 24 February
Lets not get distracted from the mane issue guys...

Kathy Ross at 12:03 on 24 February
Mike's right, this is all getting quite tack-y.

Michael Allen at 12:05 on 24 February
Yep it needs to be bridled fast.

Kathy Ross at 12:07 on 24 February
I'm chomping on the bit for it to happen.

Chris Goldring at 12:07 on 24 February
I canter believe the quality of this thread.

Michael Allen at 12:08 on 24 February
Yeah but be flattered we aren't giving you the colt shoulder!

Kathy Ross at 12:09 on 24 February
It has turned into a bit of a dog and pony show...

Ivan Baker at 12:09 on 24 February
Wish I could contribute more but I'm having a bit of a mare. Better giddy up on with my day.

Michael Allen at 12:11 on 24 February
I don't think Chris appreciates all this attention; he is so shire and retiring!

Nick Coller at 12:11 on 24 February
I think we've saddle that can said...

Kathy Ross at 12:12 on 24 February
We really did go off to the races with that one...

Nick Coller at 12:13 on 24 February
I think we've pwny-d his status update.

Michael Allen at 12:13 on 24 February
We are all jockeying for the position of 'best punner'

Kathy Ross at 12:14 on 24 February
Yah, we've been a bit trough on it.

Chris Goldring at 12:15 on 24 February
Some of these are oats so simple

Nick Coller at 12:15 on 24 February
I just look for puns mare-ever I can find them

Michael Allen at 12:17 on 24 February
We are all just jumping on the band waggon now

Nick Coller at 12:18 on 24 February
You guys hafta foald sometime and let me win this race...

Kathy Ross at 12:19 on 24 February
You should be carted off for that one

Chris Goldring at 12:19 on 24 February
We are having a bit of a field day here

Michael Allen at 12:19 on 24 February
Well who would be up for a red rum to celebrate this masterpiece?

Kathy Ross at 12:20 on 24 February
Shouldn't we all be riding essays or something?

Michael Allen at 12:21 on 24 February
All of yours have been close but no shergar!

Nick Coller at 12:21 on 24 February
Shh, guys, people are getting annoyed. We should probably start whispering.

Kathy Ross at 12:23 on 24 February
All this punning is making me hungry... would anyone like a Seabuscuit?

Chris Goldring at 12:23 on 24 February
It is a pity Jim hasn't joined in. Gym-khana always be relied on for some good puns.

Kathy Ross at 12:25 on 24 February
I think we might be flogging a dead horse here.

Michael Allen at 12:25 on 24 February
Chris is a great ascot for the equine world!

Kathy Ross at 12:26 on 24 February
Hat's off to that one Mike.

Michael Allen at 12:27 on 24 February
And as sweet as a sugar lump, aintree!

Chris Goldring at 12:27 on 24 February
I think it is about time I Epsom lunch

Kathy Ross at 12:28 on 24 February
Now let's try not to get off track...

Nick Coller at 12:29 on 24 February
We should probably quit stallion for time

Chris Goldring at 12:29 on 24 February
Some of these puns have Fallon a bit flat

Nick Coller at 12:31 on 24 February
I agree with Kathy though - we really should get back to our stud-ies.

Michael Allen at 12:31 on 24 February
Whip up a bit of enthusiasm guys!

Nick Coller at 12:32 on 24 February
Oh, by the way Chris - that box of bowls last night was really heavy. Do you reckon you could chariot for me next week?

Michael Allen at 12:36 on 24 February
We will have filled your wall before-lock!

Kathy Ross at 12:37 on 24 February
That was lame, you deserve to be shot.

Chris Goldring at 12:40 on 24 February
I think we will have to colic a draw.

Nick Coller at 12:40 on 24 February
This thread is going to give me nightmares.

Chris Goldring at 12:40 on 24 February
I vet it will

Michael Allen at 12:41 on 24 February
Such typical students, grazing around all day with nothing better to do.

Kathy Ross at 12:42 on 24 February
Chris I think this is the most activity your wall has had since the year of the horse.

Nick Coller at 12:42 on 24 February
Be sure to make a good show jumping off Facebook then!

Chris Goldring at 12:43 on 24 February
I must admit this thread has gone a lot farrier than I expected.

Nick Coller at 12:44 on 24 February
Can you get off the Internet now that you've centaur of your emails?

Michael Allen at 12:44 on 24 February
We should stop mucking about.

Kathy Ross at 12:46 on 24 February
There you have it folks, straight from the horse's mouth.

Michael Allen at 12:47 on 24 February
Yeh its all getting a bit samey, a bit unicorn..

Kathy Ross at 12:48 on 24 February
This has been carriaged on too long.

Nick Coller at 12:52 on 24 February
I had a conversation similar to this with a lady once, it eventually drover crazy.

Michael Allen at 12:54 on 24 February
That sounds like a tall tail to me!

Nick Coller at 12:55 on 24 February
Nah, it's all true, it was quite saddening, especially as she was due to be in my other friends' bridle party the next day.

Michael Allen at 12:56 on 24 February
I am st-haunch supporter of telling the truth you know!

Sam Saunders at 12:58 on 24 February
Er...why the long faces guys?...

Michael Allen at 13:04 on 24 February
I would have thought the answer was obvious to that equestrian!

Nick Coller at 13:05 on 24 February
Something to do with da birds and derbies or something?

Ivan Baker at 14:18 24 February via Facebook Mobile
Never before in the fields of horse grazing have so many groaned so much at the efforts of so few...

Ivan Baker at 14:31 24 February via Facebook Mobile
Never before in the fields of horse grazing have so many groaned so much at the efforts of so few...

Michael Allen at 14:33 on 24 February
We get it Ivan, it wasn't good the first time!

Nick Coller at 14:43 on 24 February
We must be almost finished here, be sure to shut the gait on your way out.

Michael Allen at 14:46 on 24 February
It may be the end, but we have been spurred on to new heights of punnery.

Nick Coller at 14:57 on 24 February
Don't rein on my parade, Allen! I will have the last pun!

Michael Allen at 14:59 on 24 February
This may get violent, lead to a breech of the peace!

Michael Allen at 15:07 on 24 February
I think that settles it, you might say I just rodeo away into the sunset!

Michael Allen at 15:09 on 24 February
Alternatively you might say I just won the joust..

Nick Coller at 15:20 on 24 February
You canter gue that you've won just yet...


Good times.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

25 Random Facts

1. I was almost born on February 29, which would have meant I'd only had five birthdays to date. The town I was born in was a little place called Ayr (about an hour south of Townsville, which for all you non-Australians is about thirty hours north of Sydney) which, on Feb 29, 1988 was battered with a cyclone, forcing all the homes to be evacuated. This stress caused many of the March-due babies to be born prematurely, however my mother was strong and held on til the 19th of March.

2. I have lived in 13 different houses in 6 different towns/cities (8 if you include different suburbs within cities). I expect this number to rise to 15 houses in 8 towns/cities by the end of the year, but we shall see what happens!

3. Nick's law #1: You can never go wrong with a kebab.

4. Milk is the absolute best drink in the world. I will easily drink a litre/two pints in a day, sometimes more.

5. My favourite country is, of course, Australia. My second favourite country is Canada. Other than that, I have no ranking system, however, I have been to seven all up. This is another number I expect to rise by the end of the year.

6. As my mate Spurgeon quoted in a sermon once: "I'm a poor sinner and nothing at all; Jesus Christ is my all in all". This is true of me also, and I find my identity in Christ's sacrifice for my wrongdoings, which allows me to be reconciled with the creator of the universe. It's brilliant stuff, and it's for you too!

7. Charles Haddon Spurgeon is not really my mate, as he has been dead for 118 years. However, if he were not, I am sure that we WOULD be mates. As such, I shall continue to refer to him as "My mate Spurgeon". He was a good bloke.

8. After every movie I see, I look up the trivia for it. Thus I am basically a treasure trove of useless information about all the movies I have seen, and a few that I have not. When asked where I get said information, I will attribute this to Fantales wrappers.

9. I have made many, many good friends over the past seven months' traveling, and thank God for Facebook granting me the ability to keep in touch with them! (You know who you are - if you're reading this and I met you somewhere other than Australia, pat yourself on the back. Thank you for being awesome!)

10. From what I have heard, in order to speak Welsh, you need only clear your throat in a variety of different ways. In order to do an Irish accent, you need to hold an 'E' shape with your mouth as you speak. Also, Finnish sounds like Japanese, but with a_lot more syllables.

11. I have also been taught that to write 'alot' is a sin at roughly the same level as murdering an entire family. There should be a space between the 'a' and the 'lot'. I never really noticed until I was told off for doing it wrong.

12. I am consistently amazed at how many Christians are completely unaware that there is a talking donkey in the Bible. What are Sunday school teachers doing? Numbers 22, people! Even donkeys speak of the glory of God!

13. I am descended from convicts on both sides of my family, making me almost as (white) Aussie as you can get. On Mum's side, William Ezzy stole a barrel of brewers' yeast and was sentenced to seven years in Australia. He arrived in 1789 (the year after its' founding), and his wife and kids came with him. His granddaughter was the first woman to own a shop in Aus or something like that. Dad's side came over in 1790 for stealing something or other, not sure what. So when all the English lot call me a convict, they are actually speaking quite accurately!

14. Apparently, if you trace the Collers' descendants back further than that, we came from one of the Wesleys. Not John or Charles as they had no kids, but one of their 11 (?) brothers and sisters. Pretty cool.

15. We had a pet cockatoo when I was four. For some strange reason, my parents and everyone else who knew us at the time deny its very existence and insist that we never had a cockatoo. But I distinctly remember having a pet cockatoo. History revisionists, the lot of them.

16. I played violin for a year when I was eight/nine, and hated it. Nowadays I really wish I'd continued, as it just annoys me that I know HOW to play the instrument, but can't make a good sound out of it.

17. My favourite movie of all time is 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit'. The creation of this film is a feat that will never again be repeated in history, as it was animated without the use of a single computer. When you watch it with that in mind, you become absolutely flabbergasted.

18. Along the lines of animation, it is my opinion that the greatest musical sequence in any movie ever was the 'Holding out for a hero' sequence in Shrek 2. It is a phenomenal piece of music that manages to capture the essence of the entire movie in four minutes.

19. I once almost ran out of petrol 100km into the bush, which required me to buy petrol off a one-armed man.

20. My favourite Bible passage of all time is Job 33:19-28 which you can read here:

21. Nick's Law #2: There is no place comfier for an afternoon nap than a trampoline.

22. The greatest video game ever created was Lylat Wars/Star Fox 64 (depending on which country you're from). I have spent many, many hours on the single player, and still find Corneria (the first level) absolutely epically brilliant.

23. The best car I've ever had (out of three thus far) was a blue '93 Holden (or Opel/Vauxhall for you Europeans) Calibra that I named Adrosteia (which means "She who cannot be escaped"). She was sadly run up the back of six weeks after buying her, and written off. I've never fully recovered from the loss. She was fantastic.

24. One of my favourite things to do is to get to know cool people. Because I've been travelling and realise that I only have limited time in each place, this has forced me to condense this process somewhat into getting to know people as quickly as I can. I suspect this may have freaked some people out, as it can appear that I am coming on very strong. I apologise if this is you, I just think you're cool!

25. As a result of getting to know those cool people, my OTHER favourite thing to do is introducing cool people to other cool people. So if anyone elsewhere wants to come to Australia, rest assured that you have a place to stay, and we'll meet lots of cool people. Any Aussies wanting to go to anywhere I know cool people, I'll hook you up. I love networking.