BRISBANE, Australia
Sixty-seven year old Jonathan Duncan has had a falling out with his lifelong friend, sixty-eight year old William Jones, after the latter forgot to attend a rugby game.
"It wasn't a big deal, you know, but I just can't forgive him." Jonathan told reporters on Monday, the day after the incident occurred. "I had a spare ticket for the game and Will said he'd come along, but he completely forgot about it. Normally I'd just shrug it off, but this time I can't forgive him."
When asked why, Jonathan responded, "It's Biblical."
Apparently, the rugby game slip-up was William's four-hundred and ninety-first offense against Jonathan over the course of their sixty-two year friendship.
"I still remember the first one. William stole my bubble-gum. He later apologised - he always apologises, he's great like that. And of course, I forgave him. I had to, Jesus says we have to."
But with William, that law no longer applies. "Jesus said that we weren't to forgive seven times, but seventy times seven. That makes four-hundred and ninety times. I never thought Will would hit that point, but I suppose after sixty-two years, you end up forgiving a lot. We're practically like brothers as a result. Or, at least, we were until this last one."
William doesn't understand Jonathan's logic. "I always thought Jesus was talking figuratively. I haven't been keeping track of how many times I've forgiven Jonny, it's gotta be a few hundred too. Now that he hasn't forgiven me for missing the rugby game, we haven't really spoken since."
When asked about the possibility of restitution, Jonathan was sullen. "I'd love to make up with him, it really wasn't all that big a deal, it was a bad game anyway. But if I were to forgive him, it would be blatantly disobeying a direct command of Jesus, and I have to love my God more than I love my friends, you know? I've done what Jesus asked me to with William."
So what next for Jonathan? "Well, I'm looking for a new friend now. Gordon down the road I've known the last five years, and I've only forgiven him thirty-seven times. I figure he should last me out 'til I cark it."
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humour. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Best Facebook status thread EVER
So Chris Goldring updated his status on Facebook with quite a humourous statement. I, being a master of the pun (if I do say so myself), decided to reply with an equally humourous statement. This in turn led Chris to reply with another zinger. Then Kanadian Kathy replied with a scorcher of her own. Not wanting to be outdone, Ivan felt he should join in the conversation. The thread snowballed, and by the end of the afternoon, we ended up with the masterpiece that you now have the opportunity to read. Be warned though, you may well die of laughter and/or collapse in amazement at some of our wits.
Chris is a small equine this morning. 10:59 - Comment - Like
Nick Coller at 11:09 on 24 February
Having a bit of a rough trot are you?
Chris Goldring at 11:14 on 24 February
I've been doing too much recently, I need to rein myself in.
Kathy Ross at 11:37 on 24 February
No you don't Chris, don't be such a nay-sayer.
Ivan Baker at 11:45 on 24 February
Stop horsing about. In-steed do some work.
Kathy Ross at 11:48 on 24 February
Hay, speak for yourself.
Nick Coller at 11:50 on 24 February
Yeah Ivan, try a bit of encouragement. Less stick, more carrot, as they say.
Chris Goldring at 11:53 on 24 February
Some of these puns are foal, stop stirrup-ing up trouble.
Nick Coller at 11:54 on 24 February
Like you've got such a good track record of good puns...
Kathy Ross at 11:59 on 24 February
This is all starting to filly a bit negative guys, let's not get cantered away.
Michael Allen at 12:02 on 24 February
Lets not get distracted from the mane issue guys...
Kathy Ross at 12:03 on 24 February
Mike's right, this is all getting quite tack-y.
Michael Allen at 12:05 on 24 February
Yep it needs to be bridled fast.
Kathy Ross at 12:07 on 24 February
I'm chomping on the bit for it to happen.
Chris Goldring at 12:07 on 24 February
I canter believe the quality of this thread.
Michael Allen at 12:08 on 24 February
Yeah but be flattered we aren't giving you the colt shoulder!
Kathy Ross at 12:09 on 24 February
It has turned into a bit of a dog and pony show...
Ivan Baker at 12:09 on 24 February
Wish I could contribute more but I'm having a bit of a mare. Better giddy up on with my day.
Michael Allen at 12:11 on 24 February
I don't think Chris appreciates all this attention; he is so shire and retiring!
Nick Coller at 12:11 on 24 February
I think we've saddle that can said...
Kathy Ross at 12:12 on 24 February
We really did go off to the races with that one...
Nick Coller at 12:13 on 24 February
I think we've pwny-d his status update.
Michael Allen at 12:13 on 24 February
We are all jockeying for the position of 'best punner'
Kathy Ross at 12:14 on 24 February
Yah, we've been a bit trough on it.
Chris Goldring at 12:15 on 24 February
Some of these are oats so simple
Nick Coller at 12:15 on 24 February
I just look for puns mare-ever I can find them
Michael Allen at 12:17 on 24 February
We are all just jumping on the band waggon now
Nick Coller at 12:18 on 24 February
You guys hafta foald sometime and let me win this race...
Kathy Ross at 12:19 on 24 February
You should be carted off for that one
Chris Goldring at 12:19 on 24 February
We are having a bit of a field day here
Michael Allen at 12:19 on 24 February
Well who would be up for a red rum to celebrate this masterpiece?
Kathy Ross at 12:20 on 24 February
Shouldn't we all be riding essays or something?
Michael Allen at 12:21 on 24 February
All of yours have been close but no shergar!
Nick Coller at 12:21 on 24 February
Shh, guys, people are getting annoyed. We should probably start whispering.
Kathy Ross at 12:23 on 24 February
All this punning is making me hungry... would anyone like a Seabuscuit?
Chris Goldring at 12:23 on 24 February
It is a pity Jim hasn't joined in. Gym-khana always be relied on for some good puns.
Kathy Ross at 12:25 on 24 February
I think we might be flogging a dead horse here.
Michael Allen at 12:25 on 24 February
Chris is a great ascot for the equine world!
Kathy Ross at 12:26 on 24 February
Hat's off to that one Mike.
Michael Allen at 12:27 on 24 February
And as sweet as a sugar lump, aintree!
Chris Goldring at 12:27 on 24 February
I think it is about time I Epsom lunch
Kathy Ross at 12:28 on 24 February
Now let's try not to get off track...
Nick Coller at 12:29 on 24 February
We should probably quit stallion for time
Chris Goldring at 12:29 on 24 February
Some of these puns have Fallon a bit flat
Nick Coller at 12:31 on 24 February
I agree with Kathy though - we really should get back to our stud-ies.
Michael Allen at 12:31 on 24 February
Whip up a bit of enthusiasm guys!
Nick Coller at 12:32 on 24 February
Oh, by the way Chris - that box of bowls last night was really heavy. Do you reckon you could chariot for me next week?
Michael Allen at 12:36 on 24 February
We will have filled your wall before-lock!
Kathy Ross at 12:37 on 24 February
That was lame, you deserve to be shot.
Chris Goldring at 12:40 on 24 February
I think we will have to colic a draw.
Nick Coller at 12:40 on 24 February
This thread is going to give me nightmares.
Chris Goldring at 12:40 on 24 February
I vet it will
Michael Allen at 12:41 on 24 February
Such typical students, grazing around all day with nothing better to do.
Kathy Ross at 12:42 on 24 February
Chris I think this is the most activity your wall has had since the year of the horse.
Nick Coller at 12:42 on 24 February
Be sure to make a good show jumping off Facebook then!
Chris Goldring at 12:43 on 24 February
I must admit this thread has gone a lot farrier than I expected.
Nick Coller at 12:44 on 24 February
Can you get off the Internet now that you've centaur of your emails?
Michael Allen at 12:44 on 24 February
We should stop mucking about.
Kathy Ross at 12:46 on 24 February
There you have it folks, straight from the horse's mouth.
Michael Allen at 12:47 on 24 February
Yeh its all getting a bit samey, a bit unicorn..
Kathy Ross at 12:48 on 24 February
This has been carriaged on too long.
Nick Coller at 12:52 on 24 February
I had a conversation similar to this with a lady once, it eventually drover crazy.
Michael Allen at 12:54 on 24 February
That sounds like a tall tail to me!
Nick Coller at 12:55 on 24 February
Nah, it's all true, it was quite saddening, especially as she was due to be in my other friends' bridle party the next day.
Michael Allen at 12:56 on 24 February
I am st-haunch supporter of telling the truth you know!
Sam Saunders at 12:58 on 24 February
Er...why the long faces guys?...
Michael Allen at 13:04 on 24 February
I would have thought the answer was obvious to that equestrian!
Nick Coller at 13:05 on 24 February
Something to do with da birds and derbies or something?
Ivan Baker at 14:18 24 February via Facebook Mobile
Never before in the fields of horse grazing have so many groaned so much at the efforts of so few...
Ivan Baker at 14:31 24 February via Facebook Mobile
Never before in the fields of horse grazing have so many groaned so much at the efforts of so few...
Michael Allen at 14:33 on 24 February
We get it Ivan, it wasn't good the first time!
Nick Coller at 14:43 on 24 February
We must be almost finished here, be sure to shut the gait on your way out.
Michael Allen at 14:46 on 24 February
It may be the end, but we have been spurred on to new heights of punnery.
Nick Coller at 14:57 on 24 February
Don't rein on my parade, Allen! I will have the last pun!
Michael Allen at 14:59 on 24 February
This may get violent, lead to a breech of the peace!
Michael Allen at 15:07 on 24 February
I think that settles it, you might say I just rodeo away into the sunset!
Michael Allen at 15:09 on 24 February
Alternatively you might say I just won the joust..
Nick Coller at 15:20 on 24 February
You canter gue that you've won just yet...
-----
Good times.
Chris is a small equine this morning. 10:59 - Comment - Like
Nick Coller at 11:09 on 24 February
Having a bit of a rough trot are you?
Chris Goldring at 11:14 on 24 February
I've been doing too much recently, I need to rein myself in.
Kathy Ross at 11:37 on 24 February
No you don't Chris, don't be such a nay-sayer.
Ivan Baker at 11:45 on 24 February
Stop horsing about. In-steed do some work.
Kathy Ross at 11:48 on 24 February
Hay, speak for yourself.
Nick Coller at 11:50 on 24 February
Yeah Ivan, try a bit of encouragement. Less stick, more carrot, as they say.
Chris Goldring at 11:53 on 24 February
Some of these puns are foal, stop stirrup-ing up trouble.
Nick Coller at 11:54 on 24 February
Like you've got such a good track record of good puns...
Kathy Ross at 11:59 on 24 February
This is all starting to filly a bit negative guys, let's not get cantered away.
Michael Allen at 12:02 on 24 February
Lets not get distracted from the mane issue guys...
Kathy Ross at 12:03 on 24 February
Mike's right, this is all getting quite tack-y.
Michael Allen at 12:05 on 24 February
Yep it needs to be bridled fast.
Kathy Ross at 12:07 on 24 February
I'm chomping on the bit for it to happen.
Chris Goldring at 12:07 on 24 February
I canter believe the quality of this thread.
Michael Allen at 12:08 on 24 February
Yeah but be flattered we aren't giving you the colt shoulder!
Kathy Ross at 12:09 on 24 February
It has turned into a bit of a dog and pony show...
Ivan Baker at 12:09 on 24 February
Wish I could contribute more but I'm having a bit of a mare. Better giddy up on with my day.
Michael Allen at 12:11 on 24 February
I don't think Chris appreciates all this attention; he is so shire and retiring!
Nick Coller at 12:11 on 24 February
I think we've saddle that can said...
Kathy Ross at 12:12 on 24 February
We really did go off to the races with that one...
Nick Coller at 12:13 on 24 February
I think we've pwny-d his status update.
Michael Allen at 12:13 on 24 February
We are all jockeying for the position of 'best punner'
Kathy Ross at 12:14 on 24 February
Yah, we've been a bit trough on it.
Chris Goldring at 12:15 on 24 February
Some of these are oats so simple
Nick Coller at 12:15 on 24 February
I just look for puns mare-ever I can find them
Michael Allen at 12:17 on 24 February
We are all just jumping on the band waggon now
Nick Coller at 12:18 on 24 February
You guys hafta foald sometime and let me win this race...
Kathy Ross at 12:19 on 24 February
You should be carted off for that one
Chris Goldring at 12:19 on 24 February
We are having a bit of a field day here
Michael Allen at 12:19 on 24 February
Well who would be up for a red rum to celebrate this masterpiece?
Kathy Ross at 12:20 on 24 February
Shouldn't we all be riding essays or something?
Michael Allen at 12:21 on 24 February
All of yours have been close but no shergar!
Nick Coller at 12:21 on 24 February
Shh, guys, people are getting annoyed. We should probably start whispering.
Kathy Ross at 12:23 on 24 February
All this punning is making me hungry... would anyone like a Seabuscuit?
Chris Goldring at 12:23 on 24 February
It is a pity Jim hasn't joined in. Gym-khana always be relied on for some good puns.
Kathy Ross at 12:25 on 24 February
I think we might be flogging a dead horse here.
Michael Allen at 12:25 on 24 February
Chris is a great ascot for the equine world!
Kathy Ross at 12:26 on 24 February
Hat's off to that one Mike.
Michael Allen at 12:27 on 24 February
And as sweet as a sugar lump, aintree!
Chris Goldring at 12:27 on 24 February
I think it is about time I Epsom lunch
Kathy Ross at 12:28 on 24 February
Now let's try not to get off track...
Nick Coller at 12:29 on 24 February
We should probably quit stallion for time
Chris Goldring at 12:29 on 24 February
Some of these puns have Fallon a bit flat
Nick Coller at 12:31 on 24 February
I agree with Kathy though - we really should get back to our stud-ies.
Michael Allen at 12:31 on 24 February
Whip up a bit of enthusiasm guys!
Nick Coller at 12:32 on 24 February
Oh, by the way Chris - that box of bowls last night was really heavy. Do you reckon you could chariot for me next week?
Michael Allen at 12:36 on 24 February
We will have filled your wall before-lock!
Kathy Ross at 12:37 on 24 February
That was lame, you deserve to be shot.
Chris Goldring at 12:40 on 24 February
I think we will have to colic a draw.
Nick Coller at 12:40 on 24 February
This thread is going to give me nightmares.
Chris Goldring at 12:40 on 24 February
I vet it will
Michael Allen at 12:41 on 24 February
Such typical students, grazing around all day with nothing better to do.
Kathy Ross at 12:42 on 24 February
Chris I think this is the most activity your wall has had since the year of the horse.
Nick Coller at 12:42 on 24 February
Be sure to make a good show jumping off Facebook then!
Chris Goldring at 12:43 on 24 February
I must admit this thread has gone a lot farrier than I expected.
Nick Coller at 12:44 on 24 February
Can you get off the Internet now that you've centaur of your emails?
Michael Allen at 12:44 on 24 February
We should stop mucking about.
Kathy Ross at 12:46 on 24 February
There you have it folks, straight from the horse's mouth.
Michael Allen at 12:47 on 24 February
Yeh its all getting a bit samey, a bit unicorn..
Kathy Ross at 12:48 on 24 February
This has been carriaged on too long.
Nick Coller at 12:52 on 24 February
I had a conversation similar to this with a lady once, it eventually drover crazy.
Michael Allen at 12:54 on 24 February
That sounds like a tall tail to me!
Nick Coller at 12:55 on 24 February
Nah, it's all true, it was quite saddening, especially as she was due to be in my other friends' bridle party the next day.
Michael Allen at 12:56 on 24 February
I am st-haunch supporter of telling the truth you know!
Sam Saunders at 12:58 on 24 February
Er...why the long faces guys?...
Michael Allen at 13:04 on 24 February
I would have thought the answer was obvious to that equestrian!
Nick Coller at 13:05 on 24 February
Something to do with da birds and derbies or something?
Ivan Baker at 14:18 24 February via Facebook Mobile
Never before in the fields of horse grazing have so many groaned so much at the efforts of so few...
Ivan Baker at 14:31 24 February via Facebook Mobile
Never before in the fields of horse grazing have so many groaned so much at the efforts of so few...
Michael Allen at 14:33 on 24 February
We get it Ivan, it wasn't good the first time!
Nick Coller at 14:43 on 24 February
We must be almost finished here, be sure to shut the gait on your way out.
Michael Allen at 14:46 on 24 February
It may be the end, but we have been spurred on to new heights of punnery.
Nick Coller at 14:57 on 24 February
Don't rein on my parade, Allen! I will have the last pun!
Michael Allen at 14:59 on 24 February
This may get violent, lead to a breech of the peace!
Michael Allen at 15:07 on 24 February
I think that settles it, you might say I just rodeo away into the sunset!
Michael Allen at 15:09 on 24 February
Alternatively you might say I just won the joust..
Nick Coller at 15:20 on 24 February
You canter gue that you've won just yet...
-----
Good times.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
